From Pucci to Pudding

tony robbins and oprah: life lessons

in a recent master class, oprah attended a tony robbins seminar to see what his most popular transformational life coaching seminar unleash the power within was all about. nuggets from that broadcast that may resonate with an aha are below:

• we are all leaders. leaders see it as it is. start with the truth.
• progress is the only thing that will make us happy long-term. progress equals happiness. progress comes in two ways: grow and give.
• all behavior is the result of state we're in. and movement is key to changing that state. use our body for changing our state of being. using our mind to make that shift in state of being takes forever. move our body and we create the energy we need.
• we have two choices in life: to live an inspired life or dead life.
• we are defined by the stories we tell ourselves. is your story empowering you or is your story causing you to fall short? in what area are we limited and do we have a story about that area? our story may be true but continuing to focus on that story will not empower us.
• biography is not our destiny. our decisions are.
• if we want to change our life we must change our mind first.
• emotion is changed by motion. if we embody the state that people are a waste of our time, we are dead. if we embody the state that someone is our long lost friend, we are alive and animated. our energy has shifted. emotions are tied to the way we move. make strong movements. feel the emotional energy shift.
• it is a universal pattern that we connect through pain even when it's not there and we create it. when asked about our joy, we bring our wounds. problems are the biggest addictions in humanity. problems allow us to escape our fear.
• fear is the biggest thing holding us back. if we try to avoid it or pretend it's not there, we get pulled off balance. if we try to fight fear, it can break us. if we dance with fear, it gets tired and lets us go. how to identify our fear: recognize our story and erase it. if we put ourselves in the right state (state of YES) we can do whatever our fear is holding us from doing. when we conquer our fear and move through it, there is a euphoria that comes from it. we all have fears. only way to live fearlessly is to be dead. but we can move through them, dance with them to the next level.
• you can't feel two emotions at once. if you feel anger and want not to, think about and feel what you are grateful for. it shifts our biochemistry. shifts our state.
• there is nothing broken about us. there is nothing that needs to be fixed.
• we can always tap into the strengths that are already inside us.
• we are our stories. what we believe has incredible power and our beliefs/shifting them changes our biochemistry. if our stories are limiting us, shift our belief.
• we have 6 needs in life: love, significance (special, unique), certainty, uncertainty (need for adventure), growth, and contribution. what are our 2 most powerful drives and are they in alignment with our lives? the 2 strongest focuses, our 2 priorities will drive our life. what is it costing us to have those 2 as our top 2 needs?
• when we are rooted and centered, no one can knock us off balance.
• no problem is permanent. as soon as we think it is, it is. our lives are seasons. everything evolves and shifts. if we think problems are permanent, we experience learned helplessness.
•  all change happens with a choice. decide to change. to make a real change, if you want to take the island, you have to burn the boats.
• success without meaning makes people miserable.
• life is not about getting more. life is about becoming more. fulfillment, purpose, that is the meaning that feeds us.

be a clear channel

in oprah's final interview with whitney houston, she revealed that the morning of the interview she prayed to be a clear channel so she could have an open conversation with whitney. both women brought it to that interview. no topic was off limits.

being a clear channel in our conversations and relationships--personal and professional--this is a profound gift we can share if we make that conscious choice to be clear. no judgment. allowing whatever comes. be a conduit for open exchange. this dynamic is how we cross through doorways that we may not even have known were in our path.

we all want progress. whether we articulate it or not, the action that brings fulfillment and euphoria to us is progress. be a clear channel. open the doorway to progress.

pay attention to what's inside

cesar millan, the dog whisperer, always shares some a-ha moment for me in each of his episodes that i apply with positive results to both my evolving relationship with my pup ernie but to my relationship with myself and my relationships with everyone.

as cesar was walking a dog who had given its owner much trepidation because of his leash aggression, the owner remarked, "you aren't even paying attention to the dog." cesar immediately corrected the guy, saying, "oh but i am, i'm paying attention to what's inside me."

by being calm, grounded, vividly seeing the positive outcome of the walk that he intended, cesar was enabling the dog to see that same outcome and to be that energy as well.

i realize that my frustration, my trepidation, my lack of conviction or trust in the outcome i envision or want to envision is dramatically impacting our happiness--mine, ernie's, my squeeze's. ernie is not an easy pup and even though we're only into month 6 with him (and yes, he's made profoundly positive strides in that time) we still have significant work to do on calm behavior in the home with us when he's overly curious, or wound up. rules, boundaries, limitations, cesar advises. his other oft-repeated mantra is exercise, discipline, affection.

since i've taken the pay attention to what's inside me advice to heart, i am a much more confident person with ernie. he responds to me differently. and the shift was immediate. we still have work to do, a lifetime of it no doubt, as we are all works in progress. but perhaps respect and groundedness and balance are sprouting where they may have been ambiguous before.

thank you, cesar. as he also says, we don't get the dog we want. we get the dog we need.

 

greed and simplicity

and one more call to simplicity from mark nepo:

the greedy one gathered all the cherries, while the simple one tasted all the cherries in one.

when we think we are behind compared to everyone else, or somehow less than, we begin to want more than we need. it's as if we think the thing we haven't tasted will make us whole. as he explains, "the truth is that one experience taken to heart will satisfy our hunger to be loved by everyone."

taste, embrace, be fully with what we have and who we are. be with gratitude, experience anew, appreciate the joy and the aliveness within.

 

smallness leads to misery

in the moments when a dropped and broken dish, an irritating traffic jam, a stinging paper cut become everything, our focus has narrowed to that place of smallness where misery becomes our reality. where the problem becomes our everything.

misery is merely a moment.

when in that small moment, remember that there is a much broader reality. expand our thinking to embrace that we are not broken, just the dish; we are not jammed, just our vehicle temporarily; the paper cut is just a small irritation on our body, which is largely healthy, and even beyond our body, our soul remains unscathed by the paper cut.

expand. breathe in the bigness. embrace the broader good reality. when we do, the little miseries stay small.

to express or depress

the more we express, articulate our truth, honor our being, the more alive we are.

they more we bury, deny our truth, avoid articulating, the more depressed we are.

it is our choice to make every day, every moment. which life are we choosing?

simplicity, patience, compassion

for the remainder of this week, i wanted to share short nuggets that resonated deeply with me as i read through my daily inspiration sources from mark nepo's the book of awakening.

"i have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. these are your greatest treasures. simple in actions and in thoughts, your return to the Source of Being." lao-tzu

apparently we humans are the only creatures in nature who are indirect. lions chasing their dinner show their effort and strain. likewise, their prey leaves nothing on the playing field as they flee for their life. only we practice denial and subterfuge.

when we feel lost or disconnected, go for simple and direct. that is the doorway to living authentically and from our innermost truth.

frustration as thief of good

this weekend i confronted what i now think of as the thief of a lasting positive shift in my dynamic with ernie: frustration. in class, he blatantly turned his back on me and refused to listen to simple commands. blatant avoidance. a crystal clear message to my frustration. ernie won't play that. in fact, when my frustration ramped up with him in the beginning of our journey together, he would escalate in response. it was never a pretty scenario.

when we are frustrated working with dogs, they know that with that energy we are not grounded and they do not trust us, they won't listen to what we are asking them to do. they follow stable and grounded leaders. frustration is a thief of trust, respect and positive dynamics.

much the same with people, when we are frustrated, the other person picks up on that energy and is offput, stressed, isn't inspired to ally with us, and doesn't get a good vibe. frustration is a thief of good.

frustration as thief. it helps me to visualize dynamics rather than to just articulate them and intellectualize them. seeing frustration as a thief all dressed in black and robbing me of good dynamics and balance in our moment, in our day, in our relationship, i get my hackles up and refuse to let that thief win.

patience. clear and consistent communications. rewards. balance and breathing freer. i see it into being.

what is the source of our actions?

when we have an idea, when we feel an impulse, when we are compelled to act... do we assess the source of that action?

to keep from reacting, to choose my actions consciously and considerately, it has helped me immensely to take a survey of where the source is for my action. in a couple of breaths, i can check in and assess whether this action i'm about to take is coming from a place of creating good, or a place of creating muck.

for me, the most mucky place to be in is a place of fear. fear of messing up, fear of letting myself and others down, fear of not being a good mom to ernie, fear of not taking the leaps... from the dog whisperer and from spiritual teachers alike, i get the repeated wisdom that if we feel fear and we act on it or from it, we create pain. when we come from a place where we create a positive outcome, even if it's just in the tenor of the interaction, we grow. we build in a positive direction our connection to our best self, to respect, to compassion, to generosity, to spirituality, to balance, to joy.

so when we feel our actions stemming from an ugly place, we can choose to recalibrate. how can we flip that source to a place of creating good?

if the intention and energy are positive, we can grow from that. if it's mucky from the get-go, we will have ourselves a serving of pain.

here's to creating good seeds. good sources. and acting in alignment with the best of ourselves.

 

power in paradox

i'm always fascintated by the power and truths i find in paradoxes. they remind me of the same energy and aliveness that we find in the edges--the edges and fringes of neighborhoods, movements, communities, research projects, artistic expression. energy, life, vitality, core truths come from these crossroads of tension, where ideas play off each other, revealing light in a way we may not have experienced it before.

a few paradoxes for our consideration and illumination:

• to gain balance and navigational control of our own ships, we must give up control.
• to feel richer, we share.
• to speak in a voice that commands attention, whispers are louder than shouting.
• to truly experience the light in a situation or in a soul, we often must embrace the dark shadows as well.
• to heal the hurt and unattractive places, we must embrace them.
• to be rooted, is how we are able to soar.
• to see the possible when the present moment doesn't completely reflect that vision, is how we create our future.
• relaxing is a way to strength.
• what riles us most about others is often what we most need to see about ourselves.

would love to know what paradoxes are particularly powerful truth sources for your lives.