From Pucci to Pudding

returning to our passions

as a distance runner, not running for over 6 months has been a deep-seated challenge on many levels. 2011 was a challenging year for my relationship with my running passion. it started on an energized high, got stymied by weather and work schedule, then the declining health of my dog and the sadness that took over and my need to be with her as much as possible factored in my dropping out of my scheduled spring race. her death, the summer heat, and my work schedule contributed to my withering aerobic stamina. i knew that when i started back to running, i would need a gradual build up to get my fitness back to even a moderate mileage level.

running is not only my physical fitness preference, it is my zen, my creative inspiration time, my meditation, a discipline that takes commitment and work, the way i challenge myself to push a little farther--an energy that translates to other areas of my life. it tunes me to listen--to my body, to the world around me. it necessitates optimum nutrition. it nourishes happiness and health on almost every level. and it's tough. i am a runner. i love running.

but i find myself resisting getting in full swing. why would returning to my passion be a challenge? for the first time, i bailed on a race last year. i abdicated something that is and has been of core importance to me for eons. would i get back my mojo or would i bail again?

i am not in the best of neighborhoods and running from my loft to the main course i run in downtown atlanta depresses me and stresses me out. i have to be quite on guard for at least the first and last mile. inspiration does not happen for me here.

schedule. it will always be a challenge. and fatigue.

but here it is. that's the crux of it isn't it. running wraps all our life struggles in its strides. the biggest running lessons for me at this point in my return are:

• let go and find my flow--don't set expectations for big races but find my groove and joy and soul again
• BALANCE--set boundaries for my time so that i can get to sleep early enough to get my runs in consistently. work and personal balance. finding that balance and protecting it is everything.
• joy is not dependent on what is outside us but what is within us. tapping in to that is knowing how to access our vitality.
• GRATITUDE keeps me real and keeps me happy to be out there even when it's a struggle.

here's to each step in the journey.

lessons from not running

yesterday was the half marathon i had been planning to run. and yet i did not run it. i was not injured or out of town or otherwise unable to run as intended. i have been in a bit of a running funk of recent weeks, brought on by irregular travel/weather/work schedule. when out of the groove it's harder for me to stay properly rested and trained. i was feeling mightily conflicted about choosing not to run. i miss being in the mix with other runners. i love the organized race experience and energy. and i dare say it would have been a boost to me to have completed the journey.

but the lesson i take from my choice to sit this one out is that i am listening to my wiser inner voice. i can rationalize all kinds of justification or guilt for my choice. but my body, or perhaps more accurately, my heart was telling me i wasn't in the right place for the half. i could have run it but it might have been a slog. i may have gotten amazing lessons from the experience of running under-prepared but i also got the lesson that i feel right about trusting my inner guide.

i've had a lot going on this season and in trying to keep a semblance of balance, certain pursuits have necesarily needed to be modified. my motivation for running this half wasn't as focused as it has been for other races. it's hard for me to pull back from what i perceive as a commitment to myself. but sometimes that's ok, and more than ok, even. and extending myself the compassion to understand that is, i think, the greater lesson i get from my non-race. 

forget about relaxing

i am one week from my half marathon race in atlanta, and this week was the pivotal decision week as to whether or not i would be back in gear to run the miles. i was grooving in my training for months until a travel/weather/illness interlude knocked me way off my game for 5 weeks. this past week i set the intention that if i could get a semi-solid week of miles in, which would need to include 8 and 10 milers, then i would feel good about going the 13.1 next sunday.

friday was a good 8. joyful 8, even. then friday night my neighbor across the hall had a noisy party that slaughtered my sleep schedule. saturday was a challenging 5. didn't get much of a nap in saturday, didn't eat a proper dinner, we went to a late concert that night and of course, we lost an hour of sleep. conditions were not conspiring to help me with a 10 miler on sunday. but i really focused mentally on just going out and jogging the distance. no negative chatter in my brain allowed and no land speed records expected.

i'm hugely excited to report that i ran 10. it was a tough 10 but i made it. i kept centered on being consistent and running with good form--head up and arms/shoulders relaxed. but i realized that telling myself to relax wasn't effective. have you been tense or anxious and someone has slickly advised you to relax? just makes me knot up even more. if i could i would, right? so semantics being the key in my world, i told myself to simply embrace my sub-optimal situation. clearly, i was on a partial tank of nutrition and sleep and my experience with this run was going to be different from ideal but it is what it is. and the sooner i embraced that, the better it all flowed. relaxation even kicked in.

so my takeaway from this recent process and journey is this: forget about relaxing when the stress-monsters start nagging. embrace where you are and experience your reality from that place (because really what other choice do we have?) and it will flow much more smoothly. when we're not resisting or wishing we could relax (it almost feels like a dreaded word), we are IN IT and all our energy is focused on our present and reality. our journey is thus noticeably smoother.

and now... game on for the half marathon.

monday morning momentum

5:30 a.m.: this morning's entry is a two-parter. i'm writing this portion before my run. this weekend was rainy and cold and i ran not a step. the half marathon is now 13 days away. whether i can gear back up my mileage and mojo in time remains to be seen. i appear to not be the only one afflicted with low mojo in the past several weeks. but i am keen to get my momentum back. this morning is clear and dry and in the 30s... my prime running conditions. i slept well, i feel positive. i'm brewing my cup of happy in my french press, i'm dressed in my gear and i'm about to stretch. i'll check in after my run with a report from the road on monday morning's momentum rebirth!

12:15 p.m.: i had a fab run. the first really groovy one in 4 weeks. ran for 6 miles, envigorated and tired a bit, but overall energized. i kept focused on gratitude, running efficiently, relaxing, and joy. i know there is value in this low mojo period. a plateau in anything doesn't allow for growth and appreciation for the highs without the lows. also it doesn't build in a recharge opportunity. but more than that, i am reminded that what (and who) we love isn't always effortless or easy. love in all forms takes work, effort, commitment and trust that we will weather the challenges. there is value in the struggle, definitely. i did notice that once i changed my thinking to yes and to love, my body felt strong again. when i'm in doubt or angst, i just get tense and drained. mind steers body. and the process is a 2-parter: we tee up for success, but then we have to bring it home. the race isn't over until it's over.

i am grateful for this morning's restorative run. and i am grateful for the reminder wisdoms this low mojo period has brought to the fore. and now to carry this positive momentum to the finish line!

 

running ruminations

my half marathon is 3 weeks away. i ran a couple mornings last week with the longest run being 6 miles. not exactly in form for 13.1. i am still getting over a cold and the winter temps that recharge me out there seem to have gone into permanent hibernation. sunday's run was in the 50s, which is bordering on too warm for my comfort zone. maybe i'm not eating properly. maybe i'm not getting enough sleep. maybe there is a lurking issue that i need to address before i can run with light heart and feet.

so there are hurdles to getting back in the groove. but at the same time, even while i feel like i'm swimming against the current a bit, i am happy that i'm getting out there. and i think that's good in itself. i could easily be wallowing in my upset that i'm floundering a bit. and that would guarantee i would have a harder time finding my flow.

i have this spark of positivity that all will be well for the half. that i will indeed run with joy. and that i will be ready to cruise through the miles. attitude is a key part of training. races are always mental AND physical. maybe this one, the lessons for me are more mental than physical. regardless, i am still in the journey.

getting back into a running groove

wouldn't you know? i have been having such a fantastic season of running that i never saw this ebb coming. but ebb i have. when i downshifted from the full marathon to the half and simultaneously the weather, my travel schedule and now most recently a cold have conspired to sideline me from my groove. yes, i sat out a couple of morning runs that i could have taken. but part of the reason i scaled back on my upcoming race is that i could see my schedule wasn't allowing for getting in my miles in a balanced way.

and now i find myself with schedule opening up and yet motivation is sketchy. so i wanted to explore ways to get back into a running groove. and really, ways to get back into any groove. some thoughts (and i'd love to hear others):

• replace negative thoughts with positive ones
• find aspects to get excited about
• think about little steps, not the whole enchilada
• think about the benefits, instead of thinking about the costs
• embrace that in all things, there is an ebb and a flow and know the flow will come back
• be kind about the ebb
• get out there before i talk myself out of it--once i get moving, chances are i'll stay moving

next week, i'll report back on the quest for my groove.

 

going with the flow

this past 7-10 days has had me in nyc twice and in richmond most recently. with the travel schedule taking precedence, my running schedule has had to give. it may have been 10 days since my last run. and while i could well have gotten grumpy and panicky about the long stretch with no training. but this was a ripe opportunity for me to let go of any upset about it and go with the flow. we can't operate on all cylinders in all areas at all times.

i did run this weekend in richmond and indeed i hadn't forgotten how. and it was a great recharge to run in new environs. i was home with my entire family to celebrate my mom's 80th birthday. i was even staying mere blocks from the house i grew up in, and as i ran past it saturday morning, memories of various front yard escapades came flooding back to me.

it's a treat to be able to revisit such a touchstone of my formative years. and it's a treat to be back running again. only 5 weeks til the half marathon in atlanta. i feel like this year's training has not been the same intensity of years past, but i also feel that perhaps going with the flow--the relaxed nature of it and the joy of it--might translate into something new in the race itself. i'm looking forward to the experience.

walking city

i was in new york this weekend for a brief overnight. much of the evidence of their already impressive winter (and atlanta's share of it is one of the reasons my running hasn't been as consistent as i would like) remains on the ground. but i was reminded how fantastic it is to be in a walking city. where everyone probably puts in miles each day just going about their errands. where at every turn, with each city block, there are new visual inspirations. where when out and about running, i am surrounded by people doing the same instead of dodging likely criminals and ne'er do wells as on the streets of my home base. i do pine for a walking city. and a port city. a city with energy, where people seem energetic and happy and unhomogenized. running is a great counterbalance to the malaise i feel in atlanta. but i could benefit from a boost. to run and live with my squeeze and my pup in one of my two favorite cities, that is my dream. articulating dreams is step one in making them reality. a walking city as a boost to running, and living an inspired and balanced life.

adjusting goals

i came to the realization this weekend that i needed to adjust my full marathon intentions to running the half. my miles and training are going well but with the weather-imposed days off from training and my work schedule precluding other days, my overall mileage and my opportunities in the next month to get in the really long runs necessary for the full are too slim to push it.

i spent the morning sunday feeling torn and blue over not going for the full 26.2. i love distance running. and, g-d willing, i will run half and full marathons for years to come. but i realized that i was making the choice that felt the best for my situation this spring. the choice that allowed me to balance running good miles with work projects and all the travel-winter-fatigue interruptions to training that i can see on the horizon. as a friend said to me, she supported me in taking care of myself.

always an amazing journey, full and half marathon training continues to provide a wealth of life lessons. sometimes adjusting a goal in order to support a better overall balance is the best goal.

a marathon of moments

training runs for my late-march marathon are going well. when i look at the big picture, that is. with unexpected stretches of icy weather, with travel and work schedules i am not being as faithful to my training schedule as perhaps i would like. but i am putting in good miles and am feeling good out there, mostly. even on the runs that start off in a cloud of fatigue, i find myself easing in to a groove as the miles tick by and am pleased that i've been feeling strong overall.

the key to this training has largely been mental. i could easily psych myself out of going the distances and sleep in more than i indulge in. but i focus on the moment. not the miles ahead. or the hills ahead. or how dark and cold it is before sunrise and how cozy it would be to stay and snuggle with zoe. my brain is a well-trained imaginer, which serves me well as a writer. but it also is a formidable force to reckon with when it tries to siren song me into abdicating my intentions.

this marathon, like all of them for me, is a life-training journey as well as a miles journey. this marathon training is truly focused on the moments. the moments of moving forward rather than being indecisive. the moments of listening to my body or my energy rather than my head. moments of going with my flow rather than seeking guidance from my cranial cognitions. and it's serving me quite well.

being in the moments of this training is allowing me to seek the flow, trust the flow, revel in the flow. it is easier, more enjoyable and liberating to live the moments. in work, in relationships, in marathon training, it's where we are now that needs and deserves our attention. for what happens next is affected by how we live the now.