Just Notice

You ever notice how little people notice? What I think is interesting about that is the fact that all many people want is to be noticed and yet they, themselves, are failing to take notice of others. It doesn’t take much – sometimes it’s a nod, a wave, a smile, a simple utterance of a “hello”. These things matter and you can usually see how much in the receiver’s response. And when we go beyond that  - a sentence consisting of many words to extend a compliment, to make note of an observation, a congratulatory remark – we get noticed too, we are remembered. It never ceases to amaze me the number of missed opportunities that occur on a daily basis for us to notice – to make note of – someone, their mere existence or something more specific.

I was in a store last Friday buying candy and little things for Easter baskets. While there a group of mentally and physically challenged adult males were brought in by their care providers. They were all pretty excited to be looking around and getting to buy some things. I saw that one young man in a wheelchair seemed to be watching me as I was browsing. As I walked towards him to continue my shopping I looked at him and said “Hello, how are you?” His expressionless mouth curved into a huge smile and he replied, with difficulty, “Hello. I’m fine.” I said “good” and kept walking. As I walked on I heard him say to the woman helping him “That lady just said hello to me” as if that was a rarity. Just a few moments later a young man, who appeared to have Down’s Syndrome, came over and hugged me. I was taken aback – by the spontaneous hug but also because apparently such a simple gesture was, to them, something special. No doubt they are used to people looking the other way – people who don’t  want to appear to be staring or don’t know what to say – as if saying “hello” or smiling would be a bad thing. It’s logical for people to be uncomfortable with that which they are unfamiliar but wow, what a lesson I learned that day about how impactful it can be to take notice of someone. That young man’s smile and the other’s hug warmed my heart and broke it at the same time. It made me feel good to have had a positive impact on them both but it made me ache to think of how often they are ignored, how the notice that people must usually take causes them to look away rather than to extend a kind word or gesture.

Think about what you notice for a minute. How often do you fail to point out the shortcomings of another? Your child’s sassy remark or a poor grade on a test? An employee’s late arrival to the office or less than stellar status report? A customer service representative’s not-so-helpful assistance? Many of us don’t miss those opportunities – we are all over pointing out the negatives. On the other hand, how often do you take the time to underscore the positives? Do you compliment your child on something – a good grade, a happy demeanor, a nice outfit, a clean room? Do you shoot your employees an email to thank them for their continued efforts at doing their job well or stop by their desk to acknowledge their hard work “just because”? Do you fill out that customer satisfaction survey when you received good service or emphasize your gratitude to particularly helpful sales or customer service people? Most of us do a fantastic job of noticing the bad. We also seem to notice the exceptional. But sometimes, right in the front of us, are seemingly ordinary things or people who want and deserve our attention too.  And when you give it to them you’ll find it or they are not so ordinary after all.

Think about how it makes you feel when someone gives you a compliment; thanks you for something you did; notices when you went out of your way when you didn’t have to; asks you if you are okay or how you’re doing; smiles at you; says hello; asks about your day; asks if you need help; offers to help out; remembers something you told them that was important to you; looks you in the eye when talking to you; takes the time to listen to what you have to say. These things make me feel good; they might make me feel appreciated, cared for, happy, or understood. Not doing these things isn’t always going to result in a negative but it could. Not listening, showing appreciation or gratitude, being self-centered, forgetful or lacking compassion can all result in making another person feel angry, uncared for, marginalized or hurt. If you actually need a reason to notice people and remark on the good that you notice then maybe preventing those negatives is a good motivator. We shouldn’t need reasons, however; we should take the time to look outward of ourselves and impart some good because it results in something good. No, we don’t have to – I don’t think many people go home at the end of the day upset that their boss didn’t comment on their hard work or a friend didn’t compliment them on their new shirt but if those things occurred they might be the cause for a smile at the end of one’s reflection upon their day. It might be the one good thing that happened in an otherwise not so good day.

I know that the very best thing that happened to me on that Friday in that store was seeing that young man’s smile. I don’t know if my saying hello was the best thing that happened to him but I know for that moment it was. We both affected the quality of each other’s day in a positive way and all it took was taking notice. I hope that you take the time to notice what’s going on around you so that you don’t miss out on seeing that kind of smile and the feeling it brings to know you made it happen. We are all so busy chasing something – happiness or what we think will contribute to our happiness I guess – that we fail to notice that it’s right in front of us much of the time – or maybe just to our left or right. All we have to do is take notice. –AMB