One Way to Show You Care

I have this habit of shutting down when something is bothering me. I tend to want to really mull the thing over before speaking about whatever it is – if, that is, I choose to speak about it at all. When I was much younger and my tongue much sharper I chose to be quiet to spare others from what could often be not-so-nice remarks. My impatience, impulsiveness and immaturity when it came to dealing with my anger, upset or frustration could result in very hurtful remarks that I didn’t even necessarily mean. Once, after  seeing the hurt my words had caused and replaying what I had said in my mind – really listening to my own words – I realized I needed to count to ten (at a minimum) before reacting when I was upset or angry. I tend, though, to count to about 10,000 – just to be safe – and during that time I stay pretty quiet. This defense mechanism – or whatever it is – serves me well sometimes. When I’m angry or frustrated that quiet time allows me to simmer down and gain some perspective on the matter. Time, does, in fact ease things in those instances – usually – and I can just let it go. Other times a response may be required but having counted to 10,000, it tends to be a kinder, gentler and certainly more measured response. There are still times, however, when I shut down because I don’t really know what else to do. I put up a wall that I believe is mostly to keep more hurt or upset from getting to me but I think others may view it as my wanting to keep them out. Communication is a funny thing. Our words – or lack thereof – send all sorts of messages –some are intended, others completely unintentional – and it’s not so seamless to know what to say or not say when we’re upset or what to do when dealing with an upset person. I think, though, that it comes down to one question – do you care? If you care and you show that care in your words and actions then there is no wrong you can do. I’m not sure I’ll ever stop putting up those protective walls of mine. I just hope those people who care about me, who love me, who are my true friends will always be brave enough and willing to scale them or tear them down.  – AMB

When those that you care about are facing adversity and struggling through challenging times, how do you show them you care? In what way could you both behave differently to optimize the good in your relationship?