gratitude as a balm for loss

my little sunshine zoe died slightly over a week ago, leaving a keen emptiness, sadness and heaviness in my heart and my home. she was with me for 10 years and 7 months, she was 8 months old when i rescued her. always exuberant to accompany on any adventure big or small, a bright spot in every day no matter how crappy it may have been, and my ever-present love-snuggle-pup, her absence is acutely raw.

the week following her unexpected death, i was lost. friends of zoe, and even people who weren't dog folks themselves but who knew how important she was to me, buouyed me with support and compassion. i am grateful for all the words of wisdom they shared and for simply reaching out and listening as i processed my way through my grief.

i am also grateful to zoe, who was such a trooper in her final days and spent every ounce she had in showing us how much she loved us. she waited for her dad to return from out of the country to say goodbye to him. and then even in her sudden dramatic downturn, she gave me her all in trying to rally. the cancer consumed her as if it was dormant and then was suddenly triggered. i am grateful that she didn't suffer for long and that she wasn't tortured by treatments that may or may not have extended her life but that she certainly wouldn't have enjoyed.

and lastly, i am so grateful that we have so many photos and videos of her that show how full-grin happy she was. we were able to revisit all the happy healthy moments and laugh as we remembered all her sassy and cute quirks that brought chuckles to our every day. sometimes the laughter was through tears, and that was perfect.

zoe had a good life. as deaths go, i take comfort in the swiftness for her, sparing her prolonged suffering. and our friends who shared their support and love, literally carried me through the first few days. i will always be deeply grateful for these three points. and consciously feeling and focusing on my gratitude was the best balm for my loss. it lightened the gloom and allowed me to see a way to celebrate all the gifts zoe shared, rather than wallow in their loss.

liz